The Future of Our Girls

Ever since I saw the Dove  Evolution campaign video I have been thinking more about what it must be like to be a girl growing up in the 21st Century.

I have a 10 ½ year old daughter. I should be thinking about it.  Being female myself, there are some things that are tried and true that will be the same, no matter what the calendar date says—first heartbreak, first formal dance, first pimple on a “big day”—to name a few.  But with this quick paced society that we live in, there are going to be some things I am ill-equipped relate to, simply because I have not experienced it first hand. 

According to Leonard Sax, M.D. , Ph.D., author of Girls on the Edge:The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls, today’s girls have several unique challenges that we as parents should be aware of in order to support and guide them through those turbulent pre-teen and teenage years.

According to Sax, it is no secret that girls today, more so than boys, are engaging in self-destructive behaviors.  Ask any middle school or high school guidance counselor who is cutting and the sure answer would be girls.  It is also no secret that girls are obsessing over their appearance—the Dove Evolution commercial is witness to that.

This type of obsessing has now spilled over into other areas like grades, sports, and social networking sites, resulting in lower self confidence.  In recent years, more girls than ever are confused about their sexual identity. In fact, Sax states that for girls it has become almost acceptable for them to experiment and become fluid with their sexual identity.  With videos like “Girls Gone Wild”, songs like “I Kissed a Girl,” and what can be seen on the Internet, it has become “the norm” for girls to experiment with their sexuality.  Even this generations' lack of exercise seems to be a factor in early puberty. 

So what can we do?  It is important to provide tools for our girls to become independent and confident women.  As much as our girls may not like the rules, as parents it is our duty and responsibility to raise our girls with the intent of them becoming strong women. 

In Girls On The Edge, Sax suggests the following:

1. Being the ‘Authoritative Parent’ (aka Just Right):The firm but not excessively rigid parent.  This parent can bend the rules to accommodate special circumstances and are not afraid to show love to their child.  This parent also enforces the rules of the house in a fair and consistent manner, kind of like The Cosby Show parents.
2. Educating our girls about the consequences of misuse of technology.  The nature of a kid is to try something that is not allowed and, hopefully, not get caught.  In today’s world, that “trying something” can lead to mistakes that cause permanent damage, like sending inappropriate photos. Sharing with our girls, and boys, what can happen is essential to creating pathways in their lives.
3.  Surrounding our girls with communities of women.  If you look at just 70 years ago, there really wasn’t a separate teenage culture— teenagers listened to what their parents listened to on the radio or television.  Probably because there was only one TV in the house, the family spent more time together.  In society today, our teens have their own culture and parents are not really a part of it.  Creating opportunities for your daughter to spend quality time, with older relatives, volunteering at a retirement home, or working with their place of worship, is a way to span those generations and give your daughter the opportunity to learn from someone who has experienced life. 

It is obvious that our girls are in need of help.  Parenting is not a science, it is an art.  We can’t just google the perfect solution and have it spit back out at us—although I am sure as I enter these teen years I will wish I could!

As summer approaches and the beach reading season begins, I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of this book or download it on your Kindle. I assure you, it is well worth the money spent.  Education is the key to doing what is necessary.